Exultation and Demoralization

I found out another odd thing about me lately. i need to be demoralized at home to function better in school. damn. now i'm starting to feel happy and positive all over again, so that means i'm getting "tamaditis" (term copywright of MJFO or "mei") again too. argh.

anywayz, i was supposed to write this yesterday, but again, "tamaditis" reigned so i decided to sleep. i was waiting for the pilot episode of American Idol, but became too sleepy.

all my important deadlines have been moved! WAHAHAHA! notecards supposed to be on friday have been moved to wednesday next week. lit14 midterms on monday were moved to friday. even the fil topics for tomorrow were moved to monday! ^o^ yey!

i've created a multiply account. due to peer pressure. ha ha. =p

On to demoralization:

we received our long exam results for botany, and lo and behold, i failed. i got a 35 over 90, plus 8 points from the bonus quiz, so that makes my total points 43. it's still a failing mark if you compute the percentage. but, really, i wasn't too disappointed. i was a bit happy about it actually, because i really didn't study, but i still got something higher than what i expected (like a 20 or something like that).

and FYI, i really don't study much for the first long exam (as of my first year; we'll see in the coming years if it still works) - except maybe for fil and lit - because i want to find out first how a proffessor likes to execute his/her exams before i really study for it. it saves me effort. hahaha. =p

anyway... most of us failed, if not all. so my prof went on about lecturing us that we were spoiled brats. well, she wasn't that harsh per se, but that was what she was trying to say. we were brats because we had everything (the best library, the latest technology, the best teachers, the quality education, events, sponsors, everything - name it, we have it. whilst the students in UP were driven because they had limited resources and had to work hard for everything. i wanted to yell, "i don't have everything!" but i chocked, so... ::shrugs::

while she was lecturing us, i was so disappointed because most people weren't really listening. you know? in one ear, out the other ear. these people have no idea what it's like to struggle to hold on to something that keeps moving from your grasp. to face everyday as a challenge because you know it's going to be hard. life for brats is either fun or boring. tsk.

then she goes on to say that the entrance exam during our year was easier than the previous exams - even easier than UP -, which just further demoralized me. what does that mean? am i stupid, then? would i get in if the test was harder? doubt seeps in as she's saying this.

and i go from guilt from what she said about other students earlier to disappointment that i may not have been as good as i thought i was. i had an inkling before, when the deans announced that more than 2000 freshmen were able to get in. i was a non-honor student and i was like, "really now? hmmm..."

on a positive note, maybe i should just accept that it really was fate.

"i was meant to take the exam that was easier than the previous ones so i could get in here! hehehe..." :)

now all i have to do is bust my ass to stay.