This Saturday

Hi. :)

Well. . . we had an Exposure Trip today (our second one) for InTACT. We were the only class that had to go because all the other classes had their turns already. Aw. It was fun though. A bit more fun than the previous one, for me anyway, considering the fact that I was sleep-deprived and temperamental. Hihi. We almost got totally lost on the way to Ilugin Pasig Elementary School. I even got this freaky idea that the manong drivers had it in for us or something. Ack! o_o It was because my Mom was telling me something while I was having breakfast about kidnappings and how kidnappers don't choose only rich people nowadays, just as long as it seemed the victims could pay the ransom of 50,000/100,000 or something. Ack! So there, I got a bit paranoid and texted home while we were going around the streets of Pasig City. LOL.

It's not funny, I know. Kidnapping is one of the most traumatic things that could happen to someone, especially a family. I feel for those who've been victimized. My only contributions are my prayers, because no amount of money can take away what happened - the fear... the hurt... and the agony of seemingly endless hoping - and the joy that comes if what you hope for is given. I have no idea why I'm writing this now, really. . . maybe because I just feel like it; or I've been triggered; or something. . . all I know is that the feelings of helplessness and resentment can never be avoided... but with it comes hope. . . so keep hoping and keep on praying. :)

Whew! -_-;

On a lighter note:

Bloopers happened yesterday. Haha. ^_^ It was a fun day (a bit tiring, but still fun) both in school and at McDo. Had to go to UP and Manila Seedling to buy plants for Botany with my Botany groupmates (thanks for the ride, Vian! :), but only found one. I didn't get home until 9 pm, eventhough I still had to wake up early the next day. Thanks to Mary and Genico for the company! Hehe. :) Can't wait for Gladz's 18th!

I'm supposed to be uploading pictures for my Multiply and some videos from Ilugin Expo Trip but Multiply seems to be not working for my computer at the moment. Darn.

Midterms in Math again on Monday. Pitiful me. I hope I get at least a 130, but I'm aiming for a 160 to 180. Haha. Nangarap. (Baket?! Libre naman ah! Haha!)

Namumulubi na 'ko! AAAAAAHHH!!! Somebody give me a job!!!

*The pic in this entry btw is Steffie with the kids at Ilugin. ^_^ I'm trying to post the other pics at my multiply, but to no avail. Huhu. I'll try again later. You can find my Mulitply link at the links section of this blog.

Lethargy

This particular Thursday has been very lethargic for me. I want to do the things I have to do, but at the same time, I just want to sit there and look at it. It sucks, this feeling. My mind is all over the place again. It means I have to do something artsy. The problem is, I do NOT have time for it.

I was watching a soccer game at school awhile ago. It was quite fun at first, then everything became boring... too bad. At least our school won. Go Team Spirit! :)

This is going to be short. Just wanted to do some venting.

I only had two classes today and we didn't do anything much, just discussions. I scored an 87 in my second long exam in Math (a B+, FINALLY!). Hm. I was feeling ecstatic about it awhile ago, now I feel nothing. Midterms are on Monday.

My PE midterms are on Tuesday. Did I mention I'm an incompetent when it comes to volleyball? At least I have a freecut in Math.

On Wednesday, I have second long exams on Botany Lec AND Botany Lab. Our group also has to pass the Final Paper before the Oral report in Botany Lec the next week.

On Thursday, I'll have second long exams in Fil12.

On Friday, I'll have my Midterms in Lit14.

Oh. My. God.

I still have a poetry exercise to do for Lit14, readings for En12, and 4 notecards to add to my research.

Off I go, then. . .

Tomorrow, we have to go to CP Garcia, I dunno where that is, but they said it's UP (for Botany, no less. Damn!).

I am bleeding. I am no Superman.

Blogspot formatting sucks.

I'm hoping to write about Hit Lit Night this weekend. Part of it, at least. I hope I'll be able to.

Calm Before the Storm

Brand new layout! Yey!^_^ The theme's "Harbor" so I guess it fits my blog. My entries are just like the waves. . . different each time they hit the shore. (I hope.)

Truth be told, the layout was inspired by my dear friend Felisa's blog, who now resides happily in Washington. :) I miss you, girl! I'll be reading your blog regularly, thanks for the link! ^_^

One of my closest friends' debut is coming and she's invited me to be one of her eighteen candles. Awww.. ::sniff::sniff:: Thanks, Gladz! I wish you all the best! :)

Now, onto my previous "weekend":

I don't know what came over me (and I really would love it if the feeling would stay), but I just started feeling inspired and driven to do and finish all my schoolwork/homework. It was great! I got a spot downstairs where everything was quiet and just did what was supposed to be done! Notecards, Lab Manual hw, studying for the objective quiz of Glass Menagerie (which by the way, was postponed again), and reading some of Botany Lec. Heehee. All I really had to worry about was topics for Fil because we really didn't have a theme until later. Bummer, really, but we got through it.

While I was on my way home last Friday, we saw a kid being ridden in a jeepney toward the hospital because he fell from the actual jeepney carrying him. . . his face was all bloodied up and a part of his head had swelled, they said. I couldn't really bring myslef to look, even if I was capable of it. Ironically and frighteningly, I was just thinking of one of the topic proposals of my classmate in Fil entitled "Ang Unggoy" and it was about kids who liked to hang on at the edge of the jeepney entryway ("sabit"). When we were discussing it in class, everyone was laughing their heads of off the title. Shivers went down my spine.

It's funny how something funny for another person can be so horrifying to another.

I'm saying it's a calm before the storm because from tomorrow up until Gladz's debut on Feb. 9, my mini-calendar (courtesy of EK) is packed with activities, deadlines, and exams.

Oh dear.

Exultation and Demoralization

I found out another odd thing about me lately. i need to be demoralized at home to function better in school. damn. now i'm starting to feel happy and positive all over again, so that means i'm getting "tamaditis" (term copywright of MJFO or "mei") again too. argh.

anywayz, i was supposed to write this yesterday, but again, "tamaditis" reigned so i decided to sleep. i was waiting for the pilot episode of American Idol, but became too sleepy.

all my important deadlines have been moved! WAHAHAHA! notecards supposed to be on friday have been moved to wednesday next week. lit14 midterms on monday were moved to friday. even the fil topics for tomorrow were moved to monday! ^o^ yey!

i've created a multiply account. due to peer pressure. ha ha. =p

On to demoralization:

we received our long exam results for botany, and lo and behold, i failed. i got a 35 over 90, plus 8 points from the bonus quiz, so that makes my total points 43. it's still a failing mark if you compute the percentage. but, really, i wasn't too disappointed. i was a bit happy about it actually, because i really didn't study, but i still got something higher than what i expected (like a 20 or something like that).

and FYI, i really don't study much for the first long exam (as of my first year; we'll see in the coming years if it still works) - except maybe for fil and lit - because i want to find out first how a proffessor likes to execute his/her exams before i really study for it. it saves me effort. hahaha. =p

anyway... most of us failed, if not all. so my prof went on about lecturing us that we were spoiled brats. well, she wasn't that harsh per se, but that was what she was trying to say. we were brats because we had everything (the best library, the latest technology, the best teachers, the quality education, events, sponsors, everything - name it, we have it. whilst the students in UP were driven because they had limited resources and had to work hard for everything. i wanted to yell, "i don't have everything!" but i chocked, so... ::shrugs::

while she was lecturing us, i was so disappointed because most people weren't really listening. you know? in one ear, out the other ear. these people have no idea what it's like to struggle to hold on to something that keeps moving from your grasp. to face everyday as a challenge because you know it's going to be hard. life for brats is either fun or boring. tsk.

then she goes on to say that the entrance exam during our year was easier than the previous exams - even easier than UP -, which just further demoralized me. what does that mean? am i stupid, then? would i get in if the test was harder? doubt seeps in as she's saying this.

and i go from guilt from what she said about other students earlier to disappointment that i may not have been as good as i thought i was. i had an inkling before, when the deans announced that more than 2000 freshmen were able to get in. i was a non-honor student and i was like, "really now? hmmm..."

on a positive note, maybe i should just accept that it really was fate.

"i was meant to take the exam that was easier than the previous ones so i could get in here! hehehe..." :)

now all i have to do is bust my ass to stay.

E

Warning: Do Not Read If You are Happy

Hm. It's past 12 am and everyone in my house is asleep.

you know what's weird? i'm most awake when everyone is asleep. when i'm alone... quiet... inside this house. i used to call this place my home... sweet home; now i don't know what it is. i don't know where i should be. things have been happening. things out of my control. i am only eighteen years old, and already i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. i did my best to be happy, to make everyone else happy, but once i asked for a break, everything around me comes crumbling down. life shouldn't be this hard. for me. for anyone. life's a bitch and i am powerless when it comes to bitching back.

i know i am moody. i am definitely not perfect, even almost always flawed. i am neither striking nor brilliant, but i have my moments.

now i'm just lost. always wandering. always wondering. of possibilities, of hopes, and of dreams. never really having the chance to execute. always an obstacle. always a wall. always allowing myself to be hesitant to give my all.

i'm tired.

i want to rest.

rest as if there's no tomorrow. sleep as if i never have to wake up.

i am emo.

whatever.

Pic Spam!

Just some pics (old and new) i wanted to share. more to come in my spare time.

Chuck Taylors galore

taken with katz's camphone, with the 3 of us - katz, diane, and i; edited by yours truly

a little drawing

drawn and photoshopped by yours truly

Dusk approaching

taken at the pathway from CTC to Gate 1 using my camphone (too bad it's a low-quality shot) as i was walking toward the train station

Emoed: I Suck at Volleyball

I so suck at volleyball. I am not a sports team player, whenever it comes to practical tests... i dunno why. but when it comes to games, i can do what's required of me. maybe it's the pressure. or maybe i just don't like volleyball at all. i am an individual. i am for arnis. heehee.

my teammates now think i'm some kind of loser who can't even serve. it sucks big time.

i can do it, i can do it, i can do it. i know i can. everybody else is just freaking brilliant at it. damn volleyball.

ok. on to better things. i was wearing this really cool shirt today, a juventus nike oversized (for me, anyway) and didn't even know what it meant, until diane steffi pointed it out a while later. odd things happened. guys kept walking up to me. LOL.

first, was during math class: an accident happened, for a reason unknown to me, after i got something from my bag, my phone went flying to two tables behind mine. eeeeeeek! it self-destruct! the rubberized cover popped off. so i got it and put it back on, that's when i noticed a little piece of my phone was missing. now, this very kind guy whom i never really talked to walked up to me and handed the missing tiny piece of my phone. "miss, natanggal yung piece." like duh! obviously! i couldn't even see his face coz he was too tall (or i was too short) and my eyes were only up to his chest, brown shirt, btw. *embarrassing moment # 1 of the day

then, after my horrendous PE class (where all my other embarrassing momentS occurred), a notably cute guy walked up to me and asked if i'd like to volunteer for the soss week, asked what year i was and if i was up to it. he noticed this confused look on my face, so i guess that's why he asked, "are you from soss?" i replied with a smile. "sorry, no. i'm in soh." aaaaawww, man! that was a potentially good conversation drawn to an end. shucks. too bad... "oh, ok." and he has this disappointed(?) smile on his face then asks my name out of courteousness. awwww, a gentleman! soh sucks! (major kidding there. ;p)

that was the only good thing that happened to me in pe class. hmph. did i mention i sucked at volleyball?
other guy things happened but they were really insignificant. these two were the major picker-uppers for my depressing school day. haha.
i had to run errand on the way home. bought chicken and pastries at max's restaurant, and it took ages. sheesh.

other events and notes:

• had a long exam in fil12 and did not fail, though could have done better
• people (esp. guys) love my shirt (ha. odd.)
• got bonding time with friends, old and new (happy bout that, btw.)
• potentially despising my vb teammates for either being too good at the game (teach me without the conyo accent please... T_T!), or being too conyo. damn it!
• the chucks pic is unedited
• juventus is a soccer team in italy
• off to pasig on saturday for exposure trip

Weekend? What Weekend?

OK. Really bummed right now that I can't write about the past events in my life, however small they may be to you. :) them notecards and biblios have been wrecking havoc on my state of mind...

I wasn't even able to write about our holiday celebrations! but i guess, i can never pull all the proper words together to describe those two important days (xmas and new year). one thing that amazed me however, was the throng of people who visited our house during xmas and asked for aguinaldo! i mean... seriously! O_o?! those were not just kids! they inluded teens, and even adults! really... we're not even made of politics! (if you get my drift) *_*

before new year we attended the golden wedding anniversary of my mom's friend's mother whose a neighbor of ours. they (the couple, of course) renewed their vows and had all the works usually done at a first wedding. one of their daughters planned everything! it was sweet, dramatic, and funny - hehe - of course the event had its bloopers. haha! too long to share here, maybe next time. ^_^

and naturally, because of the celebration, there was food, and when there's food, there's me... put them together and ::poof!:: it became a LOT of coco-crunch! ha ha ha!

Now it's back to the real world... away from dvd seasons of grey's anatomy and prisonbreak... away from lotsa sleep, away from enjoying the internet, away from loungy mornings... ::sigh::

i think i'd rather do chores than study.. ACK! was that me talking?! (yes, it was...)

anyway, it's been a week of back to school, and already we were bombarded with work (as usual). if only i wasn't so busy at home, maybe i could focus more. finally i just decided to things at the libarary. for the past days i've been going home late just to work on those freaking notecards and research paper. the rizal lib's practically my dorm already! then i started walking from school to the fx terminal front of the train station to save precious money i can't quite keep for long (damn expeneses, they're such funsuckers when you have no funds. yech.) quite a long walk, but i try to enjoy it all the same, with me and my small feet. :)

it's the first time i went home early since classes began this year. it's both revitalizing and unsettling.

i'm hoping for a great start for 2007, and so far so good. :) my astrology says someone is bound to support me in my education. heehee. well, there's my dad, my mom, and who else? i wish!

can't wait for chinese new year! hehe. :D

our house is turning into an orphanage, with all the cute little kids wanting to come in and play. i'm serious here. it's all fun, but there was one unforgettable incident yesterday however, that proved to me not all kids are adorable; there exists the ::whisper:: evil spawns. (makes you want to give out an evil cackle, really).

it's not the uncertainty that stops us from deciding what to do in a dilemma. it's the pain of realizing that we already know what we have to do.

- paraphrased from grey's anatomy, words of wisdom from dr. bailey. :)

things happen. life sucks. we move on, and we live to smile.

'till nex time.